***My Grandma Pearl Reese passed away on July 18, 2017. This blog article is dedicated to her, as well as my grandmother-in-law, Liz Aaron. Liz just turned 90 years old in August. God bless them both; I have been so fortunate to have them and my late Grandma Nelly (maternal) in my life.***
Every August since I can remember, my Grandma Reese (paternal) would come up to Pennsylvania from Florida to visit. Last August I decided to interview her and my husband’s grandmother, GG Aaron, together because I realized a couple things. For one, they were both getting pretty old, and you never know if this would be the last time they’d be here, and be together. It felt like a fragile moment.
In the years since I’ve been with my husband, these two ladies always enjoy each other’s company. Grandma Reese was 86 last August, and GG Aaron was 89. Another reason I wanted to do this was so I could record their words of wisdom. If you’ve spent over 85 years on this planet, you have a lot worth saying and passing along to others. So, I put together some basic questions about life. We sat down for some conversation and their favorite beverage: coffee.
Me: Thank you for taking the time to do this. I know this seems a little odd (laughs), but I just wanted to ask you some questions because you both have a lot of life experience. You’ve been wives, mothers, grandmothers, and now great grandmothers. You have lived through some of the most challenging times in our country. I respect your viewpoints, and I want to hear more of your perspective on things.
(They both laughed and made a couple jokes about how they should NOT be giving their perspective on life.)
1. When it comes to mothers working out of the home, or staying at home, what is your advice to women struggling with that decision?
Grandma Reese: Don’t let a focus on having things or more money let you miss out on raising your kids. I mean, especially before they go to school. I think it’s worth it to stay at home and do without having certain things, but that’s just me.
GG Aaron: Yes, I agree. We had one car, and just had what we needed. Things were very different for us when we had our kids. (laughs)
Grandma Reese: When both people work, you get used to having a certain lifestyle. I mean, it’s a matter of picking what’s more important. More people today seem to be ashamed of using older things, or using things that are second-hand. It’s all about getting the new stuff.
2. Did you ever feel like you weren’t enough at any point in your life? As a mother or wife?
(Look at each other and look a little confused)
GG Aaron: No. I mean, I would think about something I said or did and think it was dumb. That was pretty much it. (laughs)
Grandma Reese: Well…I felt stretched thin at different points as a mom to 4 kids, but I mean… not anything that made me feel sorry for myself. I just tried to remember the big picture.
Me: What’s the big picture?
Grandma Reese: If you are really trying your best, then there’s no need to worry. It’s not in your control anyway.
GG Aaron: That’s right. There’s only so much you can control.
Grandma Reese: I don’t know. People don’t seem to think someone taking care of the family is enough these days. I feel bad for you girls. Putting too much pressure on yourselves…or whatever. I don’t know what’s going on.
Grandma Reese takes the lead.
Grandma Reese: I know this isn’t dealing with your question, but what is going on with everyone always being on their phone? Don’t you get sick of it?
Me: Actually sometimes I do. Having the phone is necessary for us both with our businesses, and it’s just how things work now. I enjoy it in a lot of ways, but I do get sick of it.
Grandma Reese: No one visits anymore. You know? No one just sits down and talks around the table. People talk through the phone or computer, but in-person. Everyone is in a rush all the time. It’s terrible.
GG Aaron: We used to make time to visit everyone. On the weekends, we’d get in the car and go see different family members and spend time with them.
Grandma Reese: We did too. No one cares about those family reunions we have. You know? The young people don’t want to do that. I think it’s too bad because you need to socialize in-person. Everyone is so busy. They say they are too busy.
(Spontaneous Question) Do you think people feel like they have to be busy? Do you think people get uncomfortable if they aren’t running around like crazy?
Grandma Reese: It sure seems that way. We used to actually have the evening to relax, but the evenings seem pretty crazy for most people.
GG Aaron: That’s just not good.
Grandma Reese: It seems like people put more time into things that separates the family. Being home and being together isn’t important anymore. It’s a shame.
Me: Do you think that’s where issues within the family come from? Families aren’t together enough, talking, and just being together?
Grandma Reese: Yeah, I do.
3. Did women discuss their problems when you were raising your kids, and if so, what were the issues?
GG Aaron: We pretty much kept to ourselves. We didn’t really talk about problems. I just did what I needed to do, and that was that. I don’t think there were very many problems though. Well, maybe it was just because no one really knew. (laughs)
Grandma Reese: Right. Sometimes we did. When we played cards we’d start talking, but nothing too…. I mean, people didn’t seem to have the problems back then that people have now. You know? Maybe we should have talked more about our problems, but we didn’t.
Me: I personally don’t think it’s good to bottle up things that are bothering you. I also don’t think it’s good to be the boy who cried wolf because others stop listening.
Grandma Reese: Yeah, people can get really over the top with telling everyone their problems. If they’d actually work on their problems rather than just talk about them, then they’d be a lot happier.
4. What is your understanding of the concept of self-care? In other words, how much did you value taking care of yourself when you had your kids?
GG Aaron: I don’t remember worrying too much about myself. (laughs) There was too much going on to worry about myself too much. (laughs again)
Grandma Reese: Hmm yep. Ha! Well, I mean.. it’s good to have time alone. Everyone needs a little break from everyone (even the kids) now and again. I always made sure to do things with my friends.
5. Did you ever compare yourself to other moms?
GG Aaron: No, not really.
Grandma Reese: Not really. There wasn’t too much to compare. (laughs) But we didn’t have the Facebook and all that. The only reason I’m on Facebook is to see all my kids/grandkids. I think that Facebook causes problems sometimes. It seems like people’s priorities are out of whack.
GG Aaron: (laughs) We didn’t really know what other moms were doing. Other than our family or women we knew.
6. When you were growing up, what was your food like?
GG Aaron: Basically everything was from your own farm/garden, or from a neighboring farm. You really didn’t need a lot from the store. As a kid, we ate our own potatoes and corn from the garden. My family raised pigs too.
Grandma Reese: The same. I lived on a farm and we drank our raw milk from the cows. We were always outside. We would pick food right out of the garden and eat it. My favorite was when my mom would make her own macaroni and tomato sauce from the garden. We also had bologna from a local butcher.
7. When you were raising your kids, what was your food like?
GG Aaron: Well, the supermarket became more of the norm. Getting everything from the local farm was fading away. When I was raising my kids, it started to change (how you got your food). It was more from the store.
Grandma Reese: Yeah, we always had homemade meals, but where the food was coming from changed a little. There were more stores, and things got a little more streamlined.
GG Aaron: Yes.
Grandma Reese: It seems like everyone is trying to go back to when we used more local farms. Isn’t that what you encourage in your health stuff?
Me: Yep, I do. It’s good to know your farmer and how your food is grown/raised. There’s been too many harmful things happening with our food supply.
8. Did you do meal planning when you were raising your kids? How did you manage meals?
Grandma Reese: We’d go to the store once every two weeks or weekly. We kept it simple and didn’t plan everything out. It was based on what was on sale and in-season.
GG Aaron: When we were both working, we planned out meals more, but kept it simple. We ate leftovers regularly too.
9. You are both in your late 80’s and you are both pretty healthy. Why do you think you’re in such good shape?
GG Aaron: I think it’s just a blessing. (laughs) You know, I never smoked or drank, I mean sometimes I’d have a beer or something, but rarely ever. We always ate home-cooked meals, and we’d spend a lot of time outside walking or riding bikes. I’ve done Silver Sneakers too.
Grandma Reese: Well, I did smoke for a long time. I’ve also always been a social drinker. I’ve always been active, and we always walked a lot. I think we were better off too without all the technology. People are inside too much, or they sit too much.
Me: The theory is that you build your “constitution” for yourself in the first 10 years of life. So basically, how you eat, the activity you do, and the status of your overall lifestyle as a child determines a lot about your health as an adult. I think both of you are great examples of that.
10. How much importance did you place on date nights with your husband, or making time for each other? Did you ever have times where you felt distant from your partner? How did you fix it?
*You can watch the video clip here for the answer to this question! Grandma Reese is in blue and GG Aaron is in the striped top.
11. How much of a role does faith/spirituality play in your life?
GG Aaron: That has to start early. The way you are raised and what you experience as a child is important. Kids should go to church from the get-go.
Grandma Reese: It’s become a bigger part of my life as I’ve gotten older. It’s been really good for me. It helps keep your head in the right place.
12. If there’s one piece of advice you’d give to a young person who’s raising a family, what would it be?
Grandma Reese: Slow down. Whatever you’re putting your time into when your kids are growing up; make sure it’s worth it.
GG Aaron: If there’s people near you who can help you, take the help.
Grandma Reese: And don’t forget your grandparents. (laughs) We want printed pictures; not just digital pictures. There’s too much of the digital and not enough of the physical.
Me: I agree. You know I always stick pictures of Sully in my cards to you. I know you appreciate that! I know you like it too GG.
GG Aaron: Oh yes. I love pictures.
Me: Well ladies, thank you.
We ended up sitting on the porch for a while talking; just like they love to do. The one thing I really admire about both of these grandmothers is their simplicity. When I’m with them, it’s refreshing. Nothing is complicated.
They focus on what holds the greatest importance, and they let the rest be as manageable as possible. Everything from their shoes to their homes is simple, tidy, and manageable. The actual “things” of their lives hold the least importance.
It seems that they are used to being pretty private about problems. No one really opened up about the challenges they were facing. There was a focus on serving and upholding a strong role for others. I don’t agree with bottling up emotions, and I think it’s important to get support in our lives. I’m glad more people are open now, so that we can learn from each other. At the same time, I agree with them about taking everything in stride. It’s important for us to be strong for our kids and our families. After all, it’s our behavior that our kids learn from…not what we say.
The greatest concerns of both of these women are relationships. They want to be with the people they love. That’s seriously all they want. When they see you, their eyes literally sparkle with joy. My grandma always has her camera, and she brings something she wants to show you. My husband’s grandma just wants to hold the baby of the family, or play with the kids. Neither one of these women ever show up with any expectations of you or anyone else. They are genuinely happy to see your face…and have a cup of coffee.
Jamie says
Thank you for this my dear sweet cousin! ? I MISS HER SO MUCH! I’m glad you did this, I wish I would have and I will certainly encourage my children to do this with their grandparents! What a WONDERFUL, valuable, priceless idea! ? Love you
heartybits32 says
You are so welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it. 🙂 Yes, definitely tell them to do it! It’s like a time capsule they’ll always have. I love you too!