The Courage to Slow Down

“Ok, so I need to slow down. I feel like I forget to breathe most of my day, which can’t be good. That’s probably why I’m having all the health issues I have, right? I mean, I know what I have to do,” she said very matter of factly. I knew by looking in her eyes that she thinks about it everyday.

I could see it. The question of “Why am I doing this to myself?” burned in her brain on a regular basis. I could see the thoughts flying. We later discussed them. “Is working toward a bigger house really worth it? Do I seriously want more bedrooms and square footage? Is my car, the bags, the clothes, or whatever else I think we need really worth the “hustle” and race? Am I doing this because I feel like I need to make up for something I’m lacking?”

“What do you have to do?” I asked her. “I need to make a change with my career. I give the best of myself to my job, and the rest of myself to my family….everyday. It’s hurting me, and it’s hurting everyone around me. I feel like I’m on a ride that I can’t get off of. Something is going to give, and I know I need to make a change.”

So, it began. We worked together on her vision to slow down. She said what she thinks about, and rather than stuff thoughts away, we let them come into the light. We went on a mission to help one woman break free from the “ride” she couldn’t get off of. Several months later, she was liberated. It was like seeing someone get out of a prison sentence…of her own. Maybe you think that sounds dramatic, but I know what that feels like. To be stuck in a grind, and feel obligated to stay there is a tough gate to break through, but it can happen.

What we’ve all figured out together as “coach and client” in terms of making changes in careers or overall lifestyles are the following:

1. We tend to do things that hurt us because we’re trying to fill a void, or make up for something we’re lacking. Maybe we didn’t have a family who could support us, so by God, we’re going to give our kids what we didn’t have. But at what cost? When does that approach become harmful to yourself and your family? What does “support” really need to mean in this day and age? Is it being able to buy the best of everything for our kids, or is it to be available in ways to them that they need so they can thrive in this world?
2. We tend to come to conclusions that simply aren’t true, and make too many assumptions. We always underestimate the level of support we could have from our spouse, children, and other family members. People are typically more willing and open to helping you, but you have to ask. You have to make your case to those you love, and ask them to try to see the situation from your perspective. This is about your health and happiness…and everyone else’s (because you’re a driving force of that!)
3. We tend to see the glass half empty. There’s more solutions than you think, and when your heart is in the right place, paths get cleared. Things work out better than we originally think. The adjustments to a new normal are never easy, but they get easier.
4. Women carry the torch, but they can’t carry everything. As strong as we are, we need to respect the delicate aspects of being a woman. We weren’t meant to run like mad, be hopped up on caffeine, have our babies in the process, and then push ourselves to conform to whatever crazy mold you think you need to fit back into….like skinny jeans. If you take children out of the equation, you’re still not meant to run like mad, run on caffeine, and fit into anything…other than you.

Josh Rosenthal, the founder of IIN, always told us that “Life is a marathon; not a sprint. You have a long time to do things (God willing), so you better pace yourself…or you’ll burn out.” Many of us are running too fast with too many things in our hands. It’s a rebellious type of thing to not be in this day and age. Ultimately, it’s up to us to have the courage….the courage to slow down.