For the last three years, I’ve had the chance to get to know myself better because of overcoming hypothyroidism. When my son was over a year old, I was having severe fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, all-over puffiness, mood swings, and just feeling down right awful. I had to re-learn how to truly care for myself so that I could be a better mom, wife, and person in general. Working with a holistic health coach, and going through my education from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition were powerful experiences. One of the things that I learned is cultivating happiness by embracing each season of life.
One Season Gone, Another Season Upon Me
I’m coming out of a season where I was able to reflect, revise, and restore my wellbeing and overall sense of self. Getting to know myself better, coming into my own, facing truths that I stuffed away, however you want to say it, it’s been an important stage of growth that I needed. Becoming a mother has been tremendous in so many ways. It forced me to take a look in the mirror. I could see that I had a lot of work to do in my personal development.
Planting seeds, blossoming, and then harvesting the last few years of work all came in July when I gave birth to my daughter. She is the cultivation of faith, trust, and action. My daughter has brought a new season, which is being a mom of two. As I look at the present, my life is different again. With the mindset I have now, there is a comfort inside of me. Most friends would laugh, and say, “What?! Going from one to two kids is a whole new conundrum. You have no idea what you’re in for.” Yes, that’s exactly right, and that’s where my comfort comes from. Confused? Let me break it down. I actually wrote this post before she was born, but never published it. I’m going to do a reality check at the end of each one.
I’m Being Honest With Myself and Recognizing the Uncertainty
When the baby comes, my life is going to take another turn; one season will end and another will begin. One phase is closing, and another is starting. What will it be like exactly? I don’t know. How will I handle everything? I have a general plan for my day to day life, as well as a plan of what I’ll do regarding my coaching and writing. Is everything going to go to plan? Of course not; I’m having a baby! Hello! My comfort lies in the fact that I will embrace my number one priority of being her mother. I refuse to let anything or anyone stand in the way of me doing what I need to do to love, care for, and provide the nest that she needs. Everything else will have to fall into place as it will. I’ll have to let go.
Reality Check: For the first three months, I have burrowed in the nest. Focusing on the baby and my family, I haven’t pushed myself beyond my “energy and sanity budget.” Because of that, things have been pretty good. Beyond my control, things have still gotten crazy. Babies do that. Have I wanted to drink a bottle of wine at 11 a.m.? Sure. Did I go off-track in my own care and lifestyle? Absolutely! But that’s necessary. Embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly are all necessary. Most importantly, telling yourself that there’s going to be uncertainty is necessary.
This Season, There Are Things That Will Have to Be Put in the Parking Lot for a Bit
Newsflash, you can’t do everything, so quit trying. I mean, you could do everything, but then you’ll get sick. How do I know? Because I’ve been there. Take a deep breath and think of the top 3 things you need to do or be right now. Everything else gets parked. There are seasons for taking the slow, scenic route and seasons for packing up the car and going full-speed ahead. For me, I’m going to need to slow down a bit and enjoy the ride. If I don’t, then I’ll regret it. Later down the road, my kids will be in school, have friends, and barely be here. At that point, I can pull out some projects and get busy. For now, while I can hold them, nuzzle them, hold their hand, breast feed them, and be their world, I’ll enjoy that as best I can.
Reality Check: I’ll admit, I’ve had some moments of trying to do too much, but that was recently. I’ve had bursts of energy, and then think, “Oh, I’ll just do these several things at once.” Bad idea. I know better. I got honest with myself, and reeled things back in. You have to do that. Just be upfront with yourself. You know what you can handle.
I Plan for my Happiness
You have to plan to be happy. You have to visualize what you want. What do I want? I want to be 100% myself and be free of fitting into any molds that aren’t true to me. Being happy means crying when you need to, getting pissed off when you need to, and being authentic with your feelings. People are happy when they speak their heart, and when they express themselves as they need to. If you’re mad, then be mad and tell the person why you’re mad! DO NOT stifle your feelings and hide. Guess what? That makes you sick; physically, emotionally, and mentally. How do I know? I’ve been there.
Reality Check: There were beautiful, sunny days this summer and fall where I wanted to stay inside, but I knew I needed to be out. I will never forget how those sunny, bright days were some of the worst. I was either feeling defeated, or just felt exhausted. I forced myself to put on my shoes, strap the baby to me, and just get outside. I knew I’d feel better, and I did. I always feel better when I’m outside. As for being true to yourself, I’ve told myself I’m ok when I have not been. What I really needed was to let out some frustration, or talk to my husband about what I need. When I finally got out of my own way, I had the tough conversations, and things got much better.
This Time Will Not Last; It’s a Season
We’ve heard it a million times, and I know you’re rolling your eyes. It’s true, and that’s why every song that says “You’re Gonna Miss This” or time goes “Fast” brings tears to our eyes and makes us melt. On the worst days, this is the biggest thing we need to remember. We will seriously miss being spit up on. We will seriously want to change a diaper again. Holding your child while they have gas, and having them cry on your shoulder for three hours will flash across your mind when your adult child tells you that they don’t need your advice. I have seen the pain in my parents’ eyes when they realized they weren’t needed as much. When I came home for summer break from college, they were going through all my baby pictures. They were reminiscing of when they were my world, and when I needed them. I’m crying right now just thinking about this happening with me and my own children! It’s heartbreaking.
Reality Check: It’s hard to keep that stuff in mind when you’re in the trenches with poop up to your hips, have a painful nipple malfunction, and haven’t slept in a few months. It’s ok to get angry about the trials of being a mom to a new baby. Ask for breaks. Accept help in all forms. You know what you need, but you have to ask for it! All the while, take a Sharpie and write on your mirror, “The baby is going to crawl in several months, walk within a year, and not look at you as her world forever. Suck it up and enjoy this.”
We’re Supposed to Mess Up: It Makes for Good Stories
With that being said, you can’t be fully present all the time. You’re not going to care about your future self holding onto the times when your kids adored you and needed you. Sometimes you’ll just to call an early nap time and sit on the porch with a beverage of choice and breathe. We’ll flip out, be irrational, get mad at our spouses about stupid stuff, and just be humans. The key is to expect this and accept this. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that everyone knows you do your best.
Feeling Stuck?
Women are really good at neglecting themselves and putting themselves dead last. It’s just something we naturally do, and it’s a breeding ground for illness. A health coach like me can help you get out of your own way, and start feeling better. Together, we’ll look at the root causes of why you’re feeling the way you do, and we’ll make a plan to get you back on track. Please reach out to me through a contact form below if you are interested in what a health coach can do for you.
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