Having a baby is beautiful, but it’s also stressful.
There’s the physical load. You have this blessing of a child, but you also feel like a truck hit you and you’re not sleeping. There’s the mental load. You may have other children to take care of, or a job waiting for you to get back to. There’s the emotional load. One minute you’re gazing at your sleeping baby and getting tear-filled eyes. The next minute you wonder how you’re going to get through another 24 hours of feeding, changing, holding, shushing, and giving. You’re just giving of yourself on every level. Beautiful but stressful.
I’m going through this tender postpartum phase for the third time. I came up with a list of what I think is important to remember when a woman has a baby. No matter if it’s her first or her fourth, these things always matter.
1. Don’t take things personal.
Everyone handles having a baby differently. Some of us want to have everyone around when we’re in labor, and have it stay that way forever. Others just want their husband, and don’t really want to have an audience or crowd for anything for a while. If you know a new mom who’s wanting to have some space and time alone with her baby, that’s not out of the ordinary. As a grandparent, sibling, or friend, you may feel slighted. That’s not the case. Just give the mom and her baby some time to get situated, and most of all rest. Her job is not to entertain everyone, or be consumed with other people’s feelings. Her job is to care for her baby, and care for herself. Which brings me to number 2.
2. Loving acts during the postpartum period.
New moms, dads, and families love having a cooked meal dropped off, or someone to just take the other kids so that they can get a nap. Holding the baby so Mom can get a shower or bath is total luxury. The most important thing is showing up and just doing something simple. There doesn’t have to be anything fancy, complicated, or even costly. You don’t have to buy anything for the new mom, dad, or other kids. Just give some time and love. Giving of your time is free, and it’s invaluable to a new parent.
3. Don’t criticize or ask a million questions.
This should be common sense, but unfortunately new parents and veteran parents get this all too often. Moms and dads don’t need analyzed or grilled for what or how they are parenting. They don’t need a lot of questions and doubting of what’s happening with them and their new baby. I actually wrote myself a note in my children’s journal that I keep that’s separate and taped to the front page. It says, “If any of the kids have a baby, just show up, keep your mouth shut, and find something to do for them. Ha! That’s what they need, and they will appreciate you more than anything for it.”
4. Recovery takes time.
I know doctors have their guidelines for when a woman should feel “normal” after giving birth, but everyone is different. Every woman has unique factors that influence how well they cope with birth and taking care of a newborn. Some of us need more time, and others are more resilient. Listen to the new momma, give her loving acts, and have patience. Things will come around again. And if it seems things aren’t getting better, then offer help. There’s nothing wrong with counseling, finding a support group, or seeking other types of professional help. Putting pressure on her to feel a certain way by a certain time will only make things worse. This brings me to the last point.
5. Nourishment comes in many forms.
In many cases, women don’t get proper nourishment after having a baby. Nourishment means food, but also proper care in other ways. First, not eating well leads to virtually every issue that can arise physically, mentally, and emotionally. Gut health is extremely important after having a baby. Offer Mom some bone broth or pick up some probiotics. It will make Mom and Baby happy; especially if Mom is breastfeeding. Additionally, women need to continue taking vitamins and supplement their diet to build nutrients back up after pregnancy.
Healing drinks are something I utilized after having Celia and Brooke, and it made my postpartum period much smoother; especially with breastfeeding. That’s why I wrote this ebook with recipes, videos, and all the guidance needed for making your favorite drinks into hormone-healing elixirs.
Having nutritional gaps and lack of opportunities for self-care are the root causes of mood disorders and anxiety that can develop after childbirth. The physical, mental, and emotional load that women take on as a mother can’t be downplayed.
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